Before we get started on any discussion, let me just say this piece of important advice: getting back with your ex is an entirely different thing from getting back at your ex. The former seeks reconciliation, and the latter revenge. More than just a lesson on vocabulary, I am saying this early on to ward off anyone who is reading this for the sole purpose of avenging and redeeming yourself with how badly she broke up with you in the past.
See, revenge takes you nowhere. The gratification is temporary and quite honestly, it will make you look bad to the rest of the world depending on how badly you have done your dirty deed. Sure, it may redeem your ego for some time, but really, is harboring all that anger and resentment, losing to sleepless nights planning your evil plot, really all worth it? Besides, she could even be worse an evil person than you, you might just end up with twice the heartbreak because she beat you to your own plan.
So revenge is out of the list – out of my list anyway – and this is for and about genuine reconciliation in the name of love. Listen up good, because we know that asking her back after she left you is hard.. but we’re here to help.
So, all that cleared up, here are some very important tips on how to get back with your ex-girlfriend:
Reopen communication lines.
This is the first step to rekindling an old flame. This may be a whole lot more difficult if you have been separated for a longer time. Be open to rejection early on in this stage as women can get a little too defensive. The key to nicely reopening communication lines is to start with something that you were both fond of. Invite her over for your favorite gelato, ask her for dinner at your favorite lobster house, or bring her a bouquet of her favorite flowers. These things will make her soften up to you and open up just a little bit.
Do not shock her by revealing your intentions spot on. Give yourselves time to ease up to each other again. Rediscover your friendship before you try to rediscover the romance.
You are not only doing her a favor but yourself as well.
Who knows, you might not be as keen on getting back together as you thought and this friendship stage will confirm or deny that. GO out several times not only to rekindle the old flame but to discover the person that she’s become over the time that you guys have separated.
Avoid bringing up sensitive issues too soon.
These are things that are better left for later. You may have broken up because what you had was an unhealthy relationship, or her or you cheating, or miscommunication issues. But these things need take time to discuss over in an instant. When you’re trying to get to know each other again, these past hurts and issues will only open up old wounds that she may not be ready to open again.
Find the right timing to ask her if she’s willing to give your relationship another try.
Do not just ask this in a haste; when and how you asked her will definitely affect her decision on the matter. Find the perfect moment to ask her just the same as you would ask a new girl to become your girlfriend.
Be ready to face the old demons of your relationship.
When you both have come to the right moment, when you’ve made your intentions clear, prepare to revisit old wounds. It does not matter who brings it up, it will come up sooner or later. Be ready to talk about these things calmly and maturely; your second time around at love may just be sweeter and for forever.